Only my second blog - but full speed into Lex mind (Lex to Extreme)
I have been pondering a lot on the temporary nature of life recently. And this whole idea of how the older we get the faster time seems to move. I know we all think about this. Maybe some more than others. It comes and goes. It can be a scary, doom awaiting feeling - but it can also be liberating, depending on how we approach it. Whenever I drive past a cemetery, I think about how lucky I am to have choices to make in my life, everyday. Those people do not. I think about how everything that feels so important and so big to me right now, felt very similar to someone a hundred years ago - in a different context. But now literally doesn't matter.
I don’t want to be scared of these thoughts. Rather, I want to choose the liberating path...
I try to ground in reality, in the now. I truly try to live in the moment everyday. Waking up everyday and being thankful for taking a full breath through my nose and seeing the blue sky through my eyes. Hearing the laughter or cry of my child. Hearing the door unlock, when my husband comes home. Life is lived in the “in-betweens”. We tend to think of life as a linear timeline marked by large events - like birth, graduation, career milestone, vacations, wedding, death. Etc. But it’s so much more than that.
When life gets busy, as it often does especially when we are overflowing with responsibilities, time has a tendency of slipping through our fingers like sand. A steady pace for a while, and suddenly it's all gone. Cherishing the “in-betweens”, gives me the feeling of stretching out the timeline. Things like chores, going to the supermarket, picking out ingredients to cook for my family. Expressing gratitude for the abundance of choices we are presented with - variety of fruits, vegetables, meats, cheeses, snacks. We are lucky. Same with clothes, electronics, furnishing.... Most people in the world are not presented with that many options of anything, speaking from the experience of being an immigrant myself.
When most of life feels dominated by tending to chores, with a few memorable moments here and there - Naturally, it moves us to question, what is the point of it all?
We are born, grow up, go to work, get old, expire - and then it resets. Over and over and over again. I wonder if ancient people had more answers than we do. Something about sitting in your house, with nothing but a flickering light of a candle, is giving..... setting for deep philosophical revelations (it's my fancy way of saying, they were bored af).
I wonder if the concept of “living forever” will ever be figured out, and even if it is, would anyone actually want to?
I watched the animated movie “Soul” recently, starring Jamie Foxx as the protagonist, Joe Gardner. (WARNING - Some spoiler alerts in this post!!)
Joe is a part time high school music teacher. He dreams of being a renowned Jazz musician, to play on big stages, next to his idols. In the openings scene of the movie, Joe is offered a full time tenure position at the school - an opportunity most would be incredibly happy with. Tenure represents job security, good salary, pension. But not Joe. We see Joe distraught. Upon receiving this news, his entire dream of being a professional jazz musician suddenly crumbles before his eyes. It dawns on him that the responsible thing now is to accept this tenure role, but that means he will no longer have time to play gigs, and continue to work towards his actual dream. Not to give away the entire plot, but through a series of unfortunate events Joe experiences a near death situation that totally shifts his perspective on the meaning of life. He comes to the realization that even if he achieved his dream of becoming a musician, it doesn’t really change anything. Life still is. It still moves forward the same. It’s still a linear timeline. And everything just kind of becomes a repetitive task. EVEN if it's the thing that you want to be doing.
He eventually realizes that life isn’t about pursuing a goal or aspiring to any specific thing, it's purely about living. Living day to day. Appreciating it all. The good, the bad, the sad, the happy, the lessons, the challenges, the celebrations. Both pain and pleasure are indicators of being alive. The in-betweens. I love that message so much. "Soul" made me cry. Or as my daughter likes to call it "Mama, are you being 'motional?".
And yes, I am already a softy and often cry over movie plots, but this one hit different.
It’s such a common theme for many of us. Seeking purpose. And even if you are too busy to “seek purpose” and are happy with the daily grind of doing something you enjoy, as long as you have the weekends off - both lead us to the conclusion of the linear timeline of our existence. The beginning, middle and end. It’s a weird thing to process.
I often sound like a broken record to my friends and family, and I am honestly okay with it, but to me - meditation is the answer. It's the only escape. The only real opportunity to see life as it is, rather than as we believe.
People will often push back with “I don’t know how to quite my mind” or “I don’t know / can't sit still for 10 minutes”, and those are all valid points but they are not entirely accurate. The biggest misconception about meditation is that it is the practice of silencing the mind. It isn’t.
That's nearly impossible.
After over a decade of practice, I still struggle with it - and I would imagine even monks who meditate in the mountains for 5 hours at a time can’t fully do it. The point is not to silence, but to observe.
With eyes closed, the mind will always start attacking you with "Did you do the laundry? What are we having for dinner? Oh no, I had so much bread last week I should chill.. That lady at work was so rude... Ughh that embarrassing memory from 5th grade" and so on and so forth.
But what if, you close your eyes and pretend as though the thoughts in your mind are movie scenes on a screen. When we watch movies in a theatre, we don’t emotionally attach to every scene. We just observe. We are entertained. Then the movie ends and we carry on.
What if we took a similar approach with our thoughts? What if we imagined that they are not a product of our mind, but rather just byproducts of the ego? A way we process things we see, based on previous experiences and future assumptions. (If you are reading this and already rolling your eyes… like Lex, what are you even going on about? Just stay with me!!)
If we close our eyes and try to take an approach, that the thoughts are just that - scenes of a movie, and we do not have to fully emotionally invest into any of them, that’s meditation. It's a sort of detachment from the mind. And no, it's not something one can learn to do over night, and no it doesn’t have to be for 10+ minutes at a time. We can just start with one minute. Just one single minute a day of being fully present with what is.
Here is how you start:
Set a 1 minute timer on your phone and just sit with your eyes closed.
Start by breathing, feeling the air moving in and out of your nose, feeling the temperature of the room, the noises going on in your home or outside, the feeling of the fabric of your clothes against your skin, the feeling of the soft pillow on which you sit. That’s how you slowly develop the ability to stay in it. It will feel like nothing is happening at first, but a minute everyday, may eventually turn into two minutes, five minutes, and maybe even ten minutes if you stick to it. You will learn to enjoy it. You will look forward to this moment of detachment.
Suddenly, you will find yourself stretching out the timeline of your own life because meditation gives you the opportunity to be purely there, unconditionally present, resisting the mind’s urge to get up and run to the next task - as we usually do. We can do that after anyway.
In the long run, we can apply these same principles of emotional detachment off the meditation pillow and in our real life. When something or someone upsets us, we can pause and attempt to observe the thought of emotional response objectively before we let it take over our body and mind. In this moment, we have a choice - to respond or to react. Those are not the same. (Happy to discuss in future blogs, if anyone actually reads this one)
And to bring it full circle, on the nature of life - it really truly does add minutes, hours, and even years.
After over a decade of practice, when people say the phrase “time flies” I truly cannot relate. I truly truly cannot relate. Time can move as fast or as slow as we want it to..
Like this blog entry? Want more? Let me know your thoughts below
Thanks for reading <3
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